What Sustains Us As We Age?

Older adults need sustenance in order to push onward in the face of aging.

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Earlier goals during younger or middle years may have to be altered and accommodations to be made to adjust to decline.

  1. How do you sustain yourself in late life?

What would you tell your younger self about your life now?

  1. What has helped you to survive until now?
  1. Do memories of past successes come into your mind now?

Have these successes lost their meaning to you?

4.   Are there touchstones in you life that re-assure you now? What are they?

What touchstones comfort you?

Unknown-3.jpeg         Do you hold on to them?

  1. Are there particular objects, clothing and memorabilia that you love and treasure that have meaning to you?

Do you want to hold on to these memories?

6.    Are there places that have a particular meaning to you?  Do you revisit them?

  1. Are there people who you love to visit or to be with?  Who are they?
  1. Are there people who you remember visiting or places that you used to visit that are not available to you now?

Do you think about them?

  1. For what have you gotten recognition during your lifetime?

10. Have you held on to that part of you that had recognition earlier?  Do you give                recognition to yourself?

How Old is Too Old For Sex?

Older people are having intimate relations well into their 70’s and 80’s.  More tolerant societal attitudes and Viagra have challenged traditional attitudes toward the wishes of older people to have sex.  This article tells about the efforts and policies at The Hebrew Home at Riverdale  which has loosened regimens in order to support individual choice  to its residents.  Happy hours are organized and there is a dating service called G-Date (grandparents’s date).   It’s a shift from institutional  care to individualized care, giving older people choices.

Daniel Reingold, the president and Chief Executive of Riverspring Health, said that growing old was all about loss: vision, hearing, mobility, even friends.  “Why should intimacy have to go,too? We don’t lose the pleasure that comes with touch,” he said.  “If intimacy leads to a sexual relationship, then let’s deal with it as grown-ups.”  The nursing home has a sexual expression policy posted on the homes’ website and is reviewed with staff members.

Read this interesting article by clicking the link photo above.

 

Facing Reality of Older Age with Adult Children

Who is more aware of the limited time left as you move into your 70’s and 80’s, you or your children?

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As your abilities become limited or compromised, what is their response?

Do your children deny that you have physical changes related to aging?

Do they notice changes?

For example:

— limitations in walking, climbing stairs.

—Inability to remember things, thinking more slowly.

—Forgetting where you put household items, mail, pocket books?

—Forgetting appointments, memories.

—hospital stays, needing a cane, a walker.

—-Depression.

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  1. If they do notice that you are changing, do they offer help?

2.  Do they distance themselves from you? avoid you?

3.  Do they form more peer relationships?

4.    Do you expect more help from them?

5.  Do they offer you more help if you request it?

Physical help?

Financial help?

Problem solving assistance?

Relieving you of some of your responsibilities?

6.  What kind of reaction would you like from them?

How do you react if your kids don’t want to deal with your changes related to aging?

a) Why would they want to avoid facing the reality of your aging?

b) Are they in mourning for you before you go?

c) Is it the pain of losing their memory of you?

d) How do you feel if they want to avoid talking with you about the changes they see?

e)   Is this something that you can talk about with them?

f) Do you see them trying to recreate memorable occasions with you?

g) Do you think they are anticipating inheriting money when you go?

Bridges

by Lillian Rumfield Bryson, age 86

pont-du-gard-2_980x551.jpgThis is about bridges

about when to cross them.. and maybe not

about learning by example and experience

and having a stockpile that is waiting

Clay from the earth sustained by the sea

changing with the tide

 

This is about structure..

braces and bits from the refiners ashes

reworked by the anvils choice to expand

to absorb, to bear the weight, the woe, the wonder

 

A bridge can fill the mold if you like.. or break it

it is the reality that dreams are made of

the truth that belies bold promises

It is beauty

Bridges come from.. they lead to, support divide

they are roads to returning, they fill the gap

while you learn, love, deny, define, decide

while you become

7/8/16

 

 

Norman Lear, 93, “Not Dead yet”

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/07/06/opinion/not-dead-yet.html

This article by Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady applauds the legendary writer of “All in the Family “as he looks at aging. Here is an excerpt from the article.

“We spent most of 2015 directing “Norman Lear: Just Another Version of You.” (opens in theaters July 8).   During production, Mr. Lear, whose birth predates television (though he went on to revolutionize it) artfully dodged any questions we posed about aging and death.

But as we went deeper, we learned that his approach is the result of a deep concern with the way our country sees the elderly — or rather, the way we choose not to see them at all. For five years, Mr. Lear has been shopping a comic series called “Guess Who Died,” which takes place in a retirement community — but he has not been able to sell it. Mr. Lear knows the series is funny. He’s convinced that Madison Avenue’s fixation with the lithe and intoxicating 18-29 demographic has torpedoed his chances to get a few old faces on the tube.”

Click on the above link to read the article.  Click on the arrow to watch the touching video of Lear listening to actors in the proposed series read aloud the script  about the problems of aging. He is touched by his words from five years ago being read by his friend, and he cries.

Does older age reduce desirability Part 2

I suggest that you read my previous post called “Does Older Age Reduce Desirability?”

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Then you might be interested in reading Andrea Pflaumer’s article reprinted in the Huffington Post on 6/29/16. It is titled “The Post That Nearly Broke Facebook”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrea-pflaumer/the-post-that-nearly-broke-facebook_b_10343212.html

Ms Pflaumer states that she posted an article in her Facebook business page about Judi Dench and Maggie Smith.  She described them as”Two divine women. No wild outfits. No heavy make-up or plastic surgery.  They simply inspire our admiration and grab out attention because they are who they are.”

The post got 16 million views and it was shared 96,453 times.  It received more than 14,000 comments.  Most readers thanked her for showing real women with real wrinkles.  There was mostly a rousing chorus of “hear, hears”.

One small group of women in their late 30s and 40s criticized the article for “shaming” people who chose plastic surgery, wear makeup and revealing dress.  Her humorous response was, “Aging is not communicable, but it is inevitable.”

A suprising response came from a great number of men who said they loved women as they are, they loved what’s real.  Referring to Maggie Smith and Judi Dench, one man wrote, “They are also talented/sexy in a subtle mature way… Something younger women don’t seem to get!”

 

Longevity Pose,nytimes

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This article is about Tao Porchion-Lynck, age 97, seen here leading a yoga class in Scarsdale.  “I haven’t grown up yet,” she said.  She is a Yoga teacher and competitive dancer from Pondicherry, India.  She was called the oldest yoga teacher in the world by the Guinness Book of World Records in 2012 when she was 93.  This article was written by Corey Kilgannon and appeared in the nytimes on June 5, 2015.   I heard about this amazing woman and told him about her.  He said that  aside from the details in this piece, she had an amazing acquaintance with many famous people.  I will talk with him again and post the details here.  Check out the article.  She is fascinating.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/06/02/downward-facing-dog-and-high-heels/